This is what I want

wow. I cannot believe i still have this thing. I was bored doing homework.....and was thinking of the old High School days. I forgot why i left this live journal party. WEIRD!
Anyways, I guess i should say hey. And this is my life so far. I was in San Fransisco for a minute and kept coming back to columbus. Too far from everyone. So good news, I am back in columbus and moved into a house with christopher. I am still going to AAU. But i am getting all my classes done via online. Trust me. IT IS SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!!
So i am a model now. Yeah, I have been "discovered" by small photogrpheres in the area. So far Morgan is my favortie photog.
uhhh.... My sister is pregnat with her 2nd child. So far Smith Micheal Baugher is a hand full... but with Attikus .... Baugher oh goodness!
So how is everyone? Probably forgot about me.. but i have been thinking of all of you guys! I miss my friends! I really dont have anyone but my Bar friends... Oh yeah. I work at a bar. And it is amazing. Love my job!  Christopher still works at zwanzigs.
Oh and my Hair is brown.. like a dark brown. I look sooo much older. It was bleach blond for a minute.

Ahhhh this is crazy! kisses

Laura

best be getting back to my homework. I have midterms next week.. EEK!

so, a lot of pressing questions to be answered.

here i go.

Well to start off, i am really in love... with someone whom i know will never EVER hurt me in anyway shape or form... and his name is Christopher R. Fields. 

I know that this is the real thing because he has proven himself.. not a whore. And i know that he will be there for me whenever i need help. He will never hurt me.

You have hurt me soo many times. That is one of the reason i don't feel for you at all. I have been hurt and it sucks. I know you will say i hurt you...  but really...  how did I?   I went out with someone else besides you? Or what?   yeah you had your chance... and it seems to me that you blew it..

You did stuff with loads of other girls, me included... then you swore up and down that you liked me soooo much you would never do such a thing.   LIE!  over and over again.  I bet you are going to come back at me saying that when i was still kind of.. seeing reece, i did stuff with you.  BIG MISTAKE on my part.

Now that i look at it.. i wish last year never happened because of all the shit everyone put me through.  IT SUCKED thank you very much.

Bottom line is..

Yes i liked you once... but not anymore. I am in love. REAL LOVE, i am actually happy.. i am not worrying about anything.
I am not! Chris and I are making a big commitment together, him going with me to San Francisco. Nothing will change that.




I am in love.. and i have moved on major.


It is about time for you to do the same....

I know that this hurts, but sorry, it is the truth.

is you...

now i understant.... everything was a lie.  




and i am left all alone again. 


i should just turn over and drown.

i hate all of this... i hate being so scared to talk to you about anything. i dont know what will happen.. what will be said.. and what we will do. It is scary. and i dont like it. 


I am trying.. i really am. 

but i guess it is just not hard enough for you... 



sorry you ever fell for me in the first  place.. you can hate me now.

Indeed. My pride is shattered... and alll hope is lost. What is going to happen now? What will this world come to in the end?

Where i am left? All i know is that i AM left with nothing. That is great... I have nothing.. left in the middle of no where.

Know the feeling?

I missing something great. I shouldnt have done the things i did. I shouldnt have listened to myself.


WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME.....

why?


I cant run from anything anymore. It is like a nitemare... when you cant runaway from something bad (monsters and what not) because you arent running fast enough. You cant run fast, no matter how hard you try...

i am running as fast as i can.. and still... my problems cant seem to leave me alone. I have no where to hid.


I just want you.. to be with me right now.


i miss you.




you should know who you are.

(hopefully)

A Weekend with out him makes me go insane.  

Pretty much I have been bored out of my mind. So i have been working my fingers to the bones.



dull weekend.

That is all i want to know... 






laura

Ok.. i am done. I hate being the only one stuck in the middle.  Why wont anyone just let me run my own life. THEY all feel like they have to take a part of something. 



i cant even stand to look at myself in the mirror any more.

Dont you just love listening to songs with lyrics that have something to do with the way you feel at the time? Because i know i do. It is sooo silly. 

I am crazy.  

Uhh soo... 

I am going to see Panic! At the Disco again in November. (I am really going for Bloc Party.. i like them a lot) 


gah.. i dont know what to do. I am bored. 

I got kind of drunk last night and tried to sleep with chris.. But i was wide awake. and he was.. well trying to sleep. He did stay up with me for a bit and we talked. I liked it.  I like him.   then i feel asleep.

Kyle White was sooo wasted last night. It was hilarious. poor guy.  

Ok... so  my birthday was pretty much AWESOME. 

After school i got to hang out with Chris, Mallie, Baylee, Ben, Jordan, and Kyle. Baylee and Jordan made and bought me wonderful food. Brownies and Cookies.  Oh goodness the BEST! Mallie put a movie in the DVD player for my birthday... (pretty much awesome... because that movie is amazing) 

Yeah.. and then a whole lot of people came over to the APT...  Shannon, Julie, Roy, SHELLY!!!!!, Joe, some chic i didnt know... and i am not to sure who else came by.. but it was cool. 
Chris was a real sweet heart for the night. 

Ended up falling asleep on Julies Floor though.. that was a fun time!


Yeeah.. Thanks to those who made me the happiest 18 year old ever!


now i can legally by porn, Cigs, and lottery Tickets. 


I am loving life right about now.

Jack ass tonight.

I like this game.

BLACK DALHIA SUCKS. dont go see it.

Trust me.

uhh..
so i guess chris and i are offical. AMAZING! yeah.. i am excited. We arent Boyfriend Girlfriend... (yet) we are just dating it up. :D


I am excited

i havent been to school for almost 2 weeks.

For everyones info.

Things have happened which have been detaining me from doing my regular duties. So to all, i appoligize.

I am slipping from my reality really fast. and i dont know if i could do anything worth while. 
I dont even know if i can believe anymore. I am trying to wish this all away, but everytime i look up to the sky, the stars are always covered up by clouds.    
It hurts to be honest to the one you love.  
I want to believe so hard, but this wish isnt happening. My fairy tale end is destroyed and i dont think i can even see the ending of this nightmare. All i want to do is run or jump into someone's good dream and live there. I cannot take this lie inside, i cannot take this feeling that i did something wrong and i cant fix it anymore. Finally, something i cannot change... i have no control and that is the reason why i feel so.... wrong.
You were my angel behind that mask of perversness. You were my light even though all i wanted to see was dark. You were my happiness when i felt like i was going to die. 
I dont understand this feeling.  I want to love you like you do me, but something in me is warning me and telling me i shouldnt. i am not ready to love someone yet because i still love a man who flew away from me.  It just takes time they say, but this feeling will always be the same.  I will never love you the way i love him. And it hurts to say this at all. It just hurts. 

i regret ever falling away from you. 


Basically the only thought going through my mind right this second. 


enjoy my  thought.

Was crazy! the attack of the Scarlet Fever!! ahhhhhh! yeah everyone survived it though!  (thank god)

i iwll tell more later...